I had a horrible dream last night. It must have been after talking to my friend at swimming last night about GM, my first love. It was only a general chat but it must have stirred something in my subconscious to make me dream about him. All I remember about it was that GM came and declared his love for me and asked me to take him back. My answer to his question just proves how unreal dreams are as I said no! That would never happen in real life.
After AG and I split up, newly single GM and I kind of had a reconciliation. It was weird at first as we hadn’t seen each other for so long but we soon learnt that we still got on great and god, did I fancy him! My feelings for him had never gone away and being with him just brought new feelings to light and I was the happiest I had been in years. He still lived away so we couldn’t see each other very much which I loathed but as I was soon to learn it suited GM well. Every time I mentioned the possibility of a relationship he would back off saying he wasn’t ready and that we were better just being “good friends”. This went on for nearly 2 years, meanwhile I was falling for him more and more (if that was at all possible!). My friends warned me this was going to end badly but I believed that GM and I were meant to be together and that some day he would realise it too.
It was last November when my rose tinted glasses were knocked off and smashed to pieces. We were sat having a few drinks when I thought I would bring up the subject of a possible relationship again. After much discussion he actually said the words, “When I do meet the right girl I will settle down and get married”. My heart just sank and I was left speechless. I had a classic moment of not knowing what to say or how to answer. However, I knew from that moment that I was never going to get what I want. I was not the right girl.
I did see him one more time but only to tell him that whatever it was we had was over.
Of course I’ve had the odd wobble over the last 9 months or so. I’ve done the whole drunken text, drunken message on Facebook™ and drunken voice mail thing and I think now after the 680th message he has finally learnt to ignore me.
Maybe I’m not over him yet. Maybe I never will be, but he’s definitely not in the picture anymore and I have to move on.
P. S. Still no more texts off the man I had a date with last weekend! | 